Communication Counts in a Close Healthy Relationship

My partner and I have been living together for 2 years. We get along well most of the time, but when we try to talk about problems, we just can't connect.

How do we learn to communicate better?

• Schedule the conversation so that you and the other person will be prepared for it.
• Choose a neutral setting to lessen the possibility to hostility.
• Set aside any preoccupations before starting the discussion.
• State your position clearly and non-aggressively.
• Keep your tone, manner of speaking, and body language respectful.
• Focus on the topic at hand.
• Be specific when you praise or criticize.
• Listen to what the other person is saying not just the words but the feelings behind them.
• Avoid using trigger words that might turn a discussion into an argument.
• Suggest and ask for ideas about a course of action that will help resolve the problem.

If you follow these suggestions, you'll be taking into account the psychological well-being of the other person and yourself. This creates a sense of equality within the intimate relationship. Since both of you will be aware of this fact, you'll begin on a positive note.