Prescription for Dull Marriage Syndrome

Take a few minutes to think back to your courting days. A pencil and a paper will be useful.

Jot down what it was that attracted you to your husband or wife. What was it you liked so much about her face, figure or hair, his features, expression or physique?

Make a few notes about personality. Was she vivacious and extrovert? It could be your partner was coy and shy and you liked to feel protective; maybe he or she was full of fun: a buoyant, happy, infectious sort of person.

List the sort of things you enjoyed doing together. Maybe it was parties or driving, water-skiing or walking; cuddling in front of the TV; going to concerts or the theatre.

Remember the things your partner did or said which made you happy or gave you pleasure. This could include little gifts, ways, and expressions by which you felt loved and wanted. It may also have been a certain touch, a facial expression or things said and whispered.

Remember the ways you used to express your love with words and actions. There were also times when you purposefully plotted a surprise sent a special card or arranged for a treat.

When most couple’s expectations of marriage are not met, they begin to talk of ‘incompatibility’. Why are you saying that now? I will assume that their reply will be that when we were courting we seemed ‘very compatible’. This is no issue of compatibility, perhaps what they need to do is to analyze their relationship and their expectations of it, and to re-adjust both.

Believe me, what worked then will work now.